Saturday, March 19, 2011
my last week in history
SAVE LITTLE OLIVER! Bone Marrow Drive; Ashbrook hotel, Hampton Beach. If you wish to get on the bone marrow list, go to any blood drive and check the box stating "I want to be a bone marrow donor.". The workers will take care of the rest. I haven't been writing recently. It suddenly became really hard mon, the start date of bendamycin or bendamustine. My mind was overwhelmed,Not blocked, but not working well I felt swollen and confused. I rubbed my stomach and continued my business. I did my ACS INterview regarding the 2 million dollar maximum and the affordable care Act as it effected me. I dressed up pretty. They even had a make up woman for me. Was I psyched or what?! I was told I had good quotes and sound bytes, whatever that meant. I don't know the movie lingo, but thank goodness I could fake it because by Wednesday I was seeing double and plastered to my bed, my tumors growing in my stomach. God knows exactly what I needto do before my health takes over. Quickly I began to see double. I couldn't text. I decided to go to bed! And I did. I did have a small temp., a cough. Thank goodness I have the loving supportive husband I do, our life is not easy with my sickness and disabilities. He takes over when I am unable. I feel guilty not being able to due my share. He's done all the laundry from FL. I've tried to organizeN but he's keot x in a quesi-routine. Thank goodnessa for him. He's our rock. On Thurs I had a life long (I'm talking since kindergarten 1st day). He took me to my labs and kidney ultra sound then to my appt when WHAMO the bad news I saw coming but he didn't came. " You need a kidey stent" B's mouth dropped I nodded my head. I know. I was so swollen. I couldn't put my loosest jeans on. I could've used a stent weeks ago but I was insistent on joining the fam to go to disney. And I made it!!!! By the time I saw Anna I was beginning to talk nonsense. I was entering into my half world state where I am still part of this world, but I'm comfortably moving to the next, completely releaxed, just the ailments I came in with. The stent was placed with no anesthsia! I was so confused and semi- conscious they didn't want to sedate me. I did complain. I complained I had to pee when the catheter was moved through and that "it hurt" but nurse Scott held my hand. There was always a person holding my hand. These people may have been the most important. They reminded me I was attached to this world and their was love here for me. Sometimes, the most important roles are the simpleist. Eventually, when I was resting in my room I would see figures, blurred figures, like spirits. I do feel close to the spiritual world, but don't be afraid.